trying to maintain some dignity during my last weeks

People’s faces outside of family are stone-cold, maybe they were always this way or giggling almost guiltily. Everything has progressed to straight out-and-out torture. I felt like I wanted to scream and rip my skin off, like I was shaking inside my skin. I felt waves of pain. I was horrified [...]

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Constant worsening and upkeep of electronic harassment

For the past two days a marked worsening of one certain effect, the pain jolts that last about 1 second but can be very painful and feel almost like needles. It might be worse the aftereffect which is your body goes info a fight-or-flight mode but of course, there’s no way to guard or [...]

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Recent mind abuse

I don’t have dates but recently:

had the word antediluvian, put into my head (means old, I’m 32 years old and this is one of their themes for me, that I’m ancient, just another negative theme that is accepted just because they put it out there, like the greed one)
another word, vituperation. basically bitter [...]

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April 14 Monday 2008

I felt today like I should just be honest and make my plans for a year from now. I really don’t want to live like this and I realize how incredibly unlikely this is going to stop. I mean if they are actually targeting my parents who are basically harmless people who when [...]

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interesting experience of control

I was just trying to get a piece of furniture through the door with my mom. I had to concentrate to not ram the thing fast through the door , I realized “it” was trying to force me. It was strange, like a feeling of fuzz in my head and I had to [...]

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feel like an idiot

I don’t hate people. This makes me feel like I am against everyone, or vice versa. Which is so paranoid-schizophrenia, which I don’t have, but might as well. I hate not knowing what is real anymore, my feelings and thoughts are so manipulated. I’ve read them described as mind-viruses, mindbots. [...]

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Ha! Going back to College

I forgot to write in last post,today was the first day of going back to my original school and completing my degree. At least it was supposed to be. I couldn’t even handle making a phone call there. The guy was speaking in breakneck speed. I don’t know, maybe I should [...]

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I haven’t been writing regularly

I’ve stopped for awhile, without realizing it and I’ve noticed a difference.
I guess I must have stopped partly because of the body movements I have.
I started writing poems again, and I remember one poem I felt really good about
after writing it.
The reasons I was seemingly punished seemed to be along the same lines of,
you [...]

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