I keep being surprised by how frightened I am sometimes now – I am very aware that I might do this, and soon, especially now that I have figured out how to poison myself without using drugs that are going to be almost impossible to get my hands on. All-natural.
They are going to put the ugliest picture of me possible in the newspaper, probably the dmv one. If they had any shame or deceny they’d leave me alone once I was dead, but that would look more suspicious. At the very least I’m assuming my sister knows me well enough that she knows I would hate an open casket.
It’s not going to stop. Not by any way that I can control. And who knows even if it comes out in the public during my lifetime, how I will be able to prove it and stop it? I hope I’m not doing something stupid by deciding to end it.
I’m in a state of constant pain. Not to mention that I no longer am in possession of my own life, have no hope of love, career, or success, or even just travelling. I can barely read. That’s no life. I mean I can’t even watch TV normally, and I might be able to stomache a life of that but they are not going to allow that either. I’ve pleaded and it gets no response. Either they are very much aware that yes, we want the end result of this to be your death, or they just don’t care, or they actually think they will be able to stop it. Probably #2.
It’s interesting how people can do this; collectively make the decision to steal someone’s life. As much as I don’t want to die, I am basicallly dead this way. And they’ll always have some crazy circular reason to do this which ensures permanent abuse.
I realize I should have taken better notes, at least written daily in a journal. I read a recent book by Elizabeth Sullivan called “The Day My Life Changed Forever”, and it paled to what Ive been trhoguh. No mind control, at least that she’s aware of. No voices. No freaky surreal media character assassination and ridicule. I know I should have. I have to say it would be more interesting, if not more believable. No offense though to the author, I think I was just a little bored because everything was pretty darn common to me, especially the end section about bizarre service people who suddenly change personality and do a terrible job or flake out! Talk about currently relevant: my dad’s fixing up a new home, which he thiniks I will also move into with my mom. This is going to break their hearts probably. I wish to God they could at least make my life bearable.
I guess what I’m going to do is for at least the next two weeks, do the best I can to have a tolerable life. If it’s really that horrible, then I will make the best assumption I can that 5 years, 10 years down the road, it will be that painful, every day. This is horrible. I mean it’s funny how they slowly acclimate you to living at a level of misery that if you were suddenly introduced to would probably end up in your suicide within a few months to a year (well, probably).
What kills me is the potential, and that I will never had a loving romantic relationship. I realize now how important that always was to me. And I believe now I would have made a decent to good writer with practice and work.
For gods sake get a fuckin grip of yourself.. shit like this is hardly going to help anyone is it.
Actually it might.
Oh yeah, and you sound like a real prick or c-nt. May love or justice find you, whichever hurts worse.
Hi, Just read your blog, I so feel for you, I have been living this since I was 4 years old, and now I’m 46, please feel free to email me whenever you need to talk, your life is far too important to me for you to end it, so please let me be your lifeline and friend and sincerely and genuinely help you through this if I can. My email is mark.sage @verizon.net I will be there if you need to talk. Sincerely Stacy
Stacy thank you for your reply, it means a lot to me.
Hi, Hope your ok , just wanted you to know that being positive and apologetic are key in helping you through this, when a negative thought enters your mind think to yourself In Jesus’s name I circumcize this thought think it again if you have to and it is absolutely a God given gift how it works. Also be repentant from your soul and sincerely repentant and apologize out loud if you have to. Be sure to include any negative word or thought that you can remember in your apology. Please Please think positive thoughts you may slip up and when you do think of the above grace stated. Wishing you all the best and this will end so no worrys. Sincerely Stacy
Harassment of the type you speak of can be done through the use of infrasound. An electronic device which vibrates to produce this sound can be small enough to be concealed in palm of someone’s hand. While the production of this sound will create an electro-magnetic field, it is often the sound itself which causes the damage. Good Luck.
Hi, hope you are ok and had more life the last weeks. Maybe you have family or a friend where you can stay 1-2 days a week? Keep remembering you are the better person here.
Take care,
Peter
Hi. I hope that you are doing better when you posted this journal entry. I just came across it today. I would urge you to hang on and not give in. I know that these attacks are atrocities, but you can learn to live around them. You can get through this. The good people are targets and the truly beyond the pale evil are commiting serial torture and murder against them.
Can you post something about how your life was before this gangstalking began.
I wish you better times.
M.