constant back and forth between whether or not I’m going to do this thing. I rediscovered something I suspect they blanked out of my mind, that I can sometimes “neutralize” the energy that is connected to the forced feeling, thought, daydream, whatever. I stopped experimenting with this for some reason, but I’m going to start again. I think it also would be a good idea to start experimenting with physical countermeasures, you never know, something might actually help. So I think the best thing to do would be o write down all the countermeasures I can think of, looking them up and finding any old notes I may have written on this.
The worst abuse I’m dealing with right now is by far, the V2K. It’s interesting because I always thought in the last 3 something years it would never come to this, because it was so terrible. But it has, so I have to try to find a way to deal, because I don’t have a choice.
Started Ediets 3 days ago, haven’t stuck to it at all, almost, but I keep thinking I’m going to kill myself which automatically makes me go “screw it” and then I eat something since I’m supposedtly goint to starve myself the next day to death. Those days are probably going to come again, so next time, I’ll just commit to not going off the diet regardless. I feel as if my words are being controlled right now.
