Torturing a person by causing them endless pain, especially while they beg for their life, until that person feels forced to take their own life to end their suffering, is murder.
What I’m experiencing as of today:
Voices in my head, subvocal and once in a while stereo
Forced Visual effects when I try to sleep and close my eyes, such as in a dream (for instance, a cartoon of Carol Burnett singing and dancing mockingly)
Head pain and numbing, where my normal thinking is blocked (hard to explain, I don’t think normally anymore, or as they call it, “flow”, it’s as if my head is physically and mentally stuffed)
Sometimes Needle pricks, burning sensation in feet
Horrible itching on breasts
Hateful comments by strangers when I go out sometimes, example “Sterilize her” in insanely hateful Nazi-ish voice at grocery store
Possibly the worst effects now- Forced thoughts, Forced emotions, and Forced reactions.
-These are the worst as they are 1)almost impossible to separate from real thoughts, feelings or reactions unless they are just blatant, 2) they seem to happen at least 50% of the day, which means at least half the day I am feeling something else’s thoughts and feelings, so I may as well not even be present, 3) although everything I experience is very violating and a an attack whether physical or mental, this is an especially thorough rape of my person. Although I’ve never been physically raped by another human being (although I have once been physically raped by “it”), I would a hundred times rather be raped that way than to continue to live this daily rape of my mind and my soul.
I am tired of being raped every day, every minute of my life and what I am going through, is without any doubt, real rape. I don’t know what to hope for anymore, as it seems I can’t hope for myself anymore. I hope my family heals as quickly and as wholly as possible. I guess all I can really hope for is a miracle.
I hope the perpetrators of this hatred and violence towards me recognize some day what they really did and that they collectively took part in rape and murder, a vicious hate crime of which I had no ability to defend myself and did nothing to bring upon myself.
I hope if their hearts are really that black towards me that they can’t feel or see anything, they at least see the pain in my family and then recognize this evil for what it is.
I hope so much that this comes out in the open, and that all the victims of this ugly, violent, vicious hate crime get some justice and truth. The world deserves better than this, and I don’t care if that sounds corny or stupid. Every single person’s life counts, every single person’s life on this earth is sacred. I have never murdered, raped, or destroyed another human being’s life. I have never done anything illegal that I could or should be put in jail that I’m aware of. I have done nothing to deserve my life being taken away from me. I hope that it has been apparent in this blog how much I don’t want to die and that I feel as if I have been forced to this decision. Every day my life is stolen from me. I can’t stand being raped every day like this. I really don’t know what else I could do. I’ve begged for my own life and this is what I’ve heard back, literally, from the mouths of strangers in fast food restaurants and stores: “Do it.” “Everybody has to die sometime,right?” And they accuse me of not having a heart.
It seems we are both being tortured relentlessly. I have been taking photos lately of their electronic violence and have put them on my blog. They said to me “Oh leave her alone, she’ll kill herself”. But it didn’t stop them, only escalated, because I didn’t probably. eabuse I hope you are ok, I pray they have let up on you a bit. They are total pigs, and can only pick on defenseless people, who haven’t done anything. They are the ones who have done things. They had me on the floor one night, nearly grovelling to them like an animal. When their turn comes lets hope they are made to crawl around on all fours like an animal and beg. Not even animals do this to their own. Quite simply they are the worst kind of murderers, hiding from a distance.