Original plans back on , suicide triggers warning

I’m not even going to go into this too much, but, they are winning, and that’s it. I can’t do this for the rest of my life. I really don’t see any reason to continue doing this. I can’t even do anything about it for at least a few more months due to an important event coming up that I would ruin if I did anything sooner. I am not saying the life of a target is not worth living, this is just about me. If I could do something that made a difference, but I’m not and it would hurt my family anyway. I’m being murdered and that’s it, that’s the truth. They’ll just keep throwing the anger at me, as if was coming from me, and then punish me for whatever reaction comes out of it, as they’ve been doing for the past two and a half years. I’m very scared and I don’t want to but I don’t know what else I can do. Sorry if this sounds like I want attention, I don’t think it is that, I just wanted to write down what I realized today. And hopefully it will keep me from living off of false hope as I have before. I understand it could care less if I die and possibly even wants that but I don’t care, who cares if evil gets satisfaction out of my death, when I could live a life out in pain instead, for what? It’s better for me to just accept that my life has been destroyed and I’m just a walking symbol now being used for mind control and power over perp population. I really wish I could have done some other things during my life but I’m not even going to try to fool myself that I can in this condition. So that’s it, that’s how you kill a human being without ever laying hands on them or entering their home. No proof, and my family will think it was a suicide and will have to deal with that pain. This is MURDER. NOT suicide.